peanut butter pie

If you don’t like peanut butter, step away from this recipe. I’m serious, man. You’re in the wrong place at the wrong time.

If you do like peanut butter…you’re about to get your fill!

This is a classic Potluck Chocolate-Peanut Butter pie; in fact, I think a potluck is where I first feasted on the unbelievably rich delight.

Incidentally, did you know Potluck is my genre of food? It is. There’s nothing like two nine-foot tables arranged end to end and completely covered with a melange of casseroles, green bean dishes, salads, cakes, and pies to give you renewed appreciation for churchgoing women.

I’m sorry, but churchgoing women can cook.

Okay, now I’m hungry. I would switch membership to any church that would hold a potluck dinner today. Who’s with me?

Sorry.

I’ll warn you: because this is a potluck pie, it contains a tub of Cool Whip—you know, the whipped cream that actually isn’t even cream at all? But I tell you this: it gives the pie such a smooth, delicious texture. I’ve tried similar pies with real whipped cream and it just doesn’t achieve the same effect. So throw that “non-dairy whipped topping” with pride, baby. No one’s gonna care.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

We’re going to make a chocolate cookie crust. I never can find those plain chocolate wafers anymore (do they even make them? I miss them so.) so I use the next best thing: Oreos.

Incidentally, I’m not afraid to call out brand names around here. I don’t like it when recipes say things like “chocolate sandwich cookies.” They’re Oreos, sirs!

Or “non-dairy whipped topping?” It’s Cool Whip! Even if you don’t buy the brand names! They’re still Oreos and Cool Whip!

It’s like “Coke” or “Frigidaire“, as in, “Sammy, WHAT is this is my Frigidaire?”

“Beer.”

(Name that movie.)

Okay, fine. Throw 25 of the “chocolate sandwich cookies” into a food processor and pulse them until the white filling has completely incorporated into the chocolate.

Pour the crumbs into a mixing bowl.

Melt four tablespoons of butter…

And drizzle it over the crumbs.

BUTTER? And OREOS? Has the world gone crazy?

I think the end is near.

Now, pour the crumbs into a pie pan and use your fingers (or the bottom of a dry measuring cup) to press the crumbs into the bottom and sides of the pan.

Now just pop it into the oven for 5 to 7 minutes, or until set. Don’t let it burn! That would be an error of epic proportions.

Remove the crust from the oven and let it cool completely.

Peanut butter, plain.

Cream cheese, softened.

Cool Whip, completely thawed.

I’m sorry. Non-dairy whipped topping. I forgot.

Gosh. I don’t think there’s a smoother sight than a freshly cracked jar of peanut butter.

Throw a cup of peanut butter and a package of cream cheese into the mixing bowl.

Whip it together until smooth.

Now throw in 1 1/4 cup powdered sugar. You can sift it if you want…but why?

I hate sifting powdered sugar—I’m just gonna say it.

Anyway, mix in the sugar until well combined and fluffy.

Next comes the 8 ounce tub of Cool Whip.

I’m SORRY! But it’s a potluck pie. And you can’t make potluck pie without non-dairy whipped topping! I don’t know how many times I have to say it!

Turn the mixer on high and really whip it well. Then turn off the mixer, scrape the sides of the bowl, and turn it back on high.

The mixture should be really, really fluffy.

Next…you know what comes next.

Pour the filling into the chocolate cookie crust.

Oh, man. There’s just nothing right about this.

But you know what? Being right is highly overrated.

You’ll need to chill the pie for at least an hour—longer is better—before serving.

I seriously intended to show you the chilled pie when I removed it from the fridge. But before I knew what had happened…this had happened.

It can happen to you, too!

Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie

Crust:
25 Oreos
4 tablespoons butter, melted

Crush the Oreos until they’re fine crumbs. Pour melted butter over the top and stir with a fork to combine. Press into pie pan and bake at 350 degrees for 5 to 7 minutes, or until set.

Remove from oven and allow to cool completely.

Filling:

1 cup creamy peanut butter
1 8-ounce package softened cream cheese
1 1/4 cups powdered sugar
1 8-ounce package Cool Whip, thawed

Beat the peanut butter with the cream cheese until smooth. Add powdered sugar and beat until smooth. Add in the thawed Cool Whip and beat mixture until smooth, scraping the sides as needed.

Pour filling into crust, evening out the top with a knife or spatula. Chill for at least an hour before serving.

Warning: This is ultra, ultra-rich. Cut small slivers—your guests will thank you!